and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
