i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I would fuck him just for his dog
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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