I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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