Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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