he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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