I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize