God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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