I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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