Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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