I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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