That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize