Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
