he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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