did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I can't turn off my feet"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
