My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
