Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
