We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize