Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
