shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
a search helicopter?!
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Nobody cheats on THIS.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
