google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Fuck appropriateness.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
