I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
