I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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