It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize