What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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