bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
