Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
