Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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