You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
