spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
BRING THE BAGELS
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
