2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Four minutes until I can fart!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
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