Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
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