I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
