found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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