His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
