Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
