I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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