Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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