I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
