If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
