I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
