so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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