I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
