why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize