paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
