Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
