$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
