You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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