the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Congratulations! We have a period
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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