My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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