Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you will always have a special place in my vag
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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