If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
