why didn't you poke me back
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i think i have two assholes
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
