I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
