the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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