I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
