The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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