Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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