My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize