Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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