And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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