i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
