Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
