Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
