There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I didn't notice because vodka
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
