Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
