ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
