he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
