so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
