Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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